Once, sometime ago, during an emergency visit to the E.R. in Crookston, Minnesota, for dehydration due to hyper emisis, the Dr., doing my work up, asked if I was experiencing any abdominal pain. I admited that yes, I had some, but had not noticed it previously, so the doctor probed my lower belly with his hands. Seeing me wince as he did so, and wanting to explore futher, the examining doctor pulled up my exam gown to find the cause of my belly ache. I had put my panties on sideways. One of the little leg holes was around my waist, causing my discomfort. I could hear the staff laughing all the way down the hall after that damn Dr. shared this information with his staff. Never did find out what caused my nausea.
When I was six, I was in the back seat of my parents old Buick station wagon, which my father named Dino, on account of it resembled the dinosaur from the Flintstones, during a Sunday afternoon drive. Being board beyond belief, with no radio or siblings along for entertainment, I wanted to see what would happen, if I were to open the door. It was easy for me to do so, as we were traveling at a very slow speed. As I watched the tall grass of the country ditches move past, I knew I would be safe if I just "stepped" out. I did, but rolled into the ditch at a much faster speed than I had imagined. I was ok, only a little befuddled. Unluckily for my parents though, the town cop was behind us. His lights alerted my folks to my mishalp. When the kind officer asked me what had happened, I answered, trying not to get myself into trouble, "My parents threw me outta the car, like an old duck." No citations were involved as that was way before the seatbelt ordinances.
When we moved into our first house, my fridge was a horrible olive green eyesore, circa 1970, complete with Strawberry Shortcake stickers that would not come off. When I asked my hubby for a new appliance, he told me, "No it is a beautiful running machine." I hated that ugly beast so much, I sanded it down, while hubby was at work in Green Bay, Wisconsin . I then went to the Harley store and picked up the same teal blue paint as my bike. I "customized" my fridge complete with replacing the chrome on it's handlem, and neon orange detailing along with a large Harley logo sticker complete with flames, across the freezer door. Hubby hated it, and upon coming home, offered to buy me a new appliance immediately. I would not let him do so, as in my mind I did then have a truly beautiful machine. I didn't let him replace it two years later either when it would give you a shock if you touched the metal handle while standing on a freshly washed floor. Three years later, we did get a new one after it quite running all together. (The cord had been cut.)
Two truths and a lie is a game geisha ladies would play with their courtesans back at the turn of the century. Everyone was to tell two true stories and one make up one. Wanna play?
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
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10 comments:
ooh I'll play, just as soon as I can remember 2 truths.
I believe your story about the refrigerator, because I painted our first one sky blue with a flower garden along the bottom. I also believe the car story because it sounds exactly like something I would have done. The panties thing is far fetched, tho having worked in an emergency room I know what nonsense people are capable of.
OK here's some stories.
I had a black lab named Daisy who would ring the doorbell when she wanted in. If she missed it with her paw she'd reach over with her nose and bump it.
Once I was in the woods behind our house with Daisy, and smelt something funny. We ambled on a bit, following the river, when I noticed the back end of a truck and a boat anchored at the bank. Funny smell grew stronger. I noticed a shady looking fellow with a gun, so Daisy and I snuck around behind and came up on a moonshine still. We decided the smart thing would be to leave.
We rescued a dog from the pound once, a sweet pointer we named Lucy. 2 weeks before we came home with her, a stray cat had 2 kittens in my dryer. When we brought Lucy (who had had a litter of puppies 8 weeks before)home, the stray cat took exception to her presence and abandoned the 2 week old kittens. Lucy, still churning with maternal goodness and lactating profusely, gathered the kittens to her literal bosom and nursed them well into adulthood. Unfortunately at that time we didn't own a camera so I don't have any proof.
I think you are lying about your fridge because you once told me you never finish any of your projects. That and I think you would just go buy yourself one. Nikki a.ka, Hair Heidi (sorry- I will have to make up some stories.)
Once when I was very little I was floating in a swimming pool on a inner tube and when I got over the deep-end I slipped through the hole in the center and dropped to the bottom of the pool like the black-stone that I am having never learned to swim as a child because where I come from you don’t go into the water unless you want to die or the f’in boats sinking. Luckily me Da jumped in and pulled me out and when he was pumping the water out of me lungs me mum asked “is he going to be alright?” and me Da replied “them who are meant to hang won’t drowned!”
I’ve just met the most wonderful woman and of course it was mutual love at first sight and we be getting married, this was right after I had just rented the nicest apartment in the Duboce Triangle, a “nice” neighborhood here in San Francisco. Fortunately the apartment, a two bedroom, costs less per month than my ghetto fabulous studio with the hot and cold running crackheads so I can afford it, but that doesn’t really matter as I have just sold the screen play rights to my life story for lots and lots of money!
My hands and fingers are tending to crack and bleed in a manner strangely reminiscent of stigmata but the really strange part is that every night I dream of living in hell, only I wake up and I’m not dreaming anymore…
Ok Rootie, I find the Daisey dog doorbell totally believable. The moonshine still, I want to think is real because you are from the south, but Cal Fadnes and Les Herd, for our 8th grade science project actually made a still, and I don't remember it stinking. But then again, legon has it they do. There fore it must be the cat in your dryer. Not that I don't think it couldn't happen, just being you, after having the cat for two weeks you would of named her.
Nikki- so write some storys already- I ain't giving it up that easy.
Fromage- Now the swimming pool one sounds like a come back you might come up with, "Those who are ment to hang don't drown", but then again your Da is most likly were you got your "dry" wit from.
I remember you being diagnosed with roseaca, so I think you would also sucomb to such a funky hand thing.
So I think if you had found a two bedroomer for less than your hole you would have been all over it, with or without the girl. (Tho I bet she was real.)
My guess, the refridgerator story is a fib.
Haw! All my stories are true! I hated doing laundry so it's easy to go 2 weeks without.
Good ones ones Rootie.
I did in fact get busted for having my panties in a bunch. I was too sick to pay any attention to what I was doing before I whent in. Least they were clean.
We had that same old fridge for 10 years. Three of them were olive green with rust spots from were the freezer seal leaked. Seven after it's "make over."
My dad did own a car named Dino, but I never jumped out of it. That was my friend Jim who did. He owned the antique shop I was a dealer in.
I believe #1 and #3. The car thing? That only happens after kids when you're trying to get away from them.
You get my highest blog compliment: you made me laugh out loud.
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